Friday, December 5, 2008

Exactly one week from now...

It's 10:30am and in exactly one week, surgery will have begun and we will have probably met our Lily Grace.  Craig and I will have held her soft hands and feet and caressed her sweet cheeks.  Only to know we will shortly be giving her back to her heavenly home.  I pray she will be able to breathe on her own and be with us comfortably for at least a few hours.  Enough time for me to recover from surgery and to really hold her in my arms.  Enough time to allow her brothers, grandparents, and other loved friends and family to meet her.  Then I pray, I will have enough peace to not beg her to stay.  I pray for wisdom to find just the right words to comfort Justin (& Evan...though not sure how much he'll be aware of) and grow his faith through our loss.  I pray for full physical and emotional healing for the weeks ahead.

While I try to remember not to worry about tomorrow, let tomorrow worry about itself....there are plans and decisions that need to be made and require us to think through the details of what is to come.  And, it continues to break my heart.  

But, we try to stay busy each and every day and that helps.  Making plans to focus on our family and create good memories for our boys.  We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family.  I was thankful to have felt good enough to travel, so we could spend that time with my extended family.  Then, we came home and started the Christmas festivities...

We decorated our Christmas tree and set the boy's GeoTrax trains underneath (they really liked that)....

We let them sit on Santa's lap, fully expecting Evan to cry.  But, he surprised us!  He couldn't wait to jump right up and tell Santa something on his wish list...



During this time of dreadful anticipation, I find myself re-reading so many of your words of encouragement.  We have been shown a great amount of love through letters, emails, and thoughtful, generous gifts.  Like the Footprints poem, I know God is truly carrying us through this grief...there's just no other explanation.  But, I am sooooo thankful to the many of you who have helped to shoulder this burden and continue to walk along side of us.  Thank you. 


4 comments:

Stacy said...

You are making this a very special holiday season for everyone. Your thoughtfulness, strength and kindness on a daily basis continues to amaze me.

The Martin Family said...

Jessica, I am thinking about you today and tomorrow. You're in my prayers. Love, Liz

Tara Belnap said...

What a beautiful family. You and your family are in my prayers.

What strength you show and faith in your hearts.

April Swenby said...

Thanks Jessica for updating your journey with Lily. Just because she has gone onto Heaven, doesn't mean your journey with her is over. She will continue to fulfill your heart more than you ever could imagined...I PROMISE! Much love to you!