Friday, July 3, 2009

D-Day = Bad Day?

"D-Day" is the ABFA (annecephaly support group) term used to describe the yearly anniversary of our baby's diagnosis. Do I expect it to be a difficult day? I'm not sure. I know it's the anniversary of the worst day of my life...

Exactly one year ago, we sat in an ultrasound room and were told the unimaginable. We saw our baby’s deformity with our own eyes, understood words we had never heard before, and our world came crashing down.

Yes, December may be tough too, but I think it's possible today may be worse. December 12th is the day she lived. That’s the day we got to embrace her and we felt only love for her. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve had a similar experience....but, each and every baby truly is a gift from above.

And, Dec 17th was anticipated. We had peace in knowing her purpose had been fulfilled. We were told Lily’s condition was "incompatible with life". So, when she lived for 5 ½ days, we were so very proud of her and thankful for God’s blessing.

But, July 3rd, 2008….easily the worst day of my life. This is the day we went from feeling sweet anticipation to feeling like we were caught up in a storm. All celebration of the pregnancy seemed to stop. This is the day we felt a loss of hopes and dreams and began grieving the anticipated loss of a baby girl we would never know here on earth.

I know the story doesn't end there. I know I loved feeling her grow and move inside of me and we learned to celebrate the pregnancy and all of that. But, July 3rd, 2008 was a tough day. We couldn't see past our tears or broken heart to know God's faithful hand was upon us or that He would show us blessings down this bittersweet road.

Anyways...

Today we will spend some time at Lily's grave fixing it up a bit and then we will go to Longwood Gardens. I think it will be nice to look around at all the gardens-pointing out and learning about all the variations of lilies with our boys. Hopefully, I'll have a chance to share some pictures when we return...

4 comments:

Shawna said...

Thank you once again for your transparency...it is always such a blessing to me! Praying for you!

Celia said...

I agree that "D-day" might actually be worse than Noah's 1yr birth date....because you're right....it's the day that Noah lived and we had accepted and embraced what was coming. Our hearts are definitely broken and we miss our baby but we feel confident that we followed God's path and will for our lives...Praying for you. I hope your visit to Lily is peaceful

Holly said...

D-Day is a hard day for sure and one you'll never forget. The gardens sound like a nice place to visit after visiting Lily. Thinking of you.

kitten.mom said...

As I anticipate the ultrasound of my baby this July. I will be thinking of you. I know that must have been hard. And words can't describe how I feel for you all. My prayers used to be about a certain sex of the baby but more so for a healthy baby these days as the days get closer.

I pray that God brings peace on these days after this bad day. Just know that God has wrapped you in his arms these days.

God Bless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!